It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
