wrigley field is MILF paradise
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
