I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
