I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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