I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
