my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
