Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
