Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
