I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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