Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
