I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
