Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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