In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
