it's too hot outside to masturbate.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
