I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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