That's when you crack a 10am beer
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
