thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
