best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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