At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
