Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
