This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
