Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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