we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
