I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
