I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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