At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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