Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
