Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
