let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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