so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
