How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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