forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
