He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
