guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
