my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Too much gin, very little bucket
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
