I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
