i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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