You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
