I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
