Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
