It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
