I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
