it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
