I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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