Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
