I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
