I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
