Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
