I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
