That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
