i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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