Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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