At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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