just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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