she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
