Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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