bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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